He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
