He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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