No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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