addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
