I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
