I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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