It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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