It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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