I smell stomach acid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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