I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize