New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I did not marry a roomba.
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