just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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