this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bring money and cleavage
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
