When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
last night I used snow as a chaser
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
