dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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