Its about making memories worth repressing
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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