If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
