So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
