Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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