Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize