I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
