If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
