when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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