So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
