That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let's get the cat blown out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
