i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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