I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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