that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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