theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
