you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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