i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
