how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
