i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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