and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
