Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
