It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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