Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
