'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
