he thought i was a dude.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
