Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boobs speak an international language.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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