thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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