We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
