I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
