So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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