I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
