i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
