Sry I called you an 8
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
