We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There was a lot of him and a little penis
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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