I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
