ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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