You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
