Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
