I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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