P.S. I can't hear my feet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
