apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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