i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
