please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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