Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
