My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
