My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
