Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize