Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
