I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
