two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
