maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
