spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
