Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
