Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize