You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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