fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
